Nobleman Slain Before All Eyes as Assassins Strike with Repeated Blows! A former man of law was cut down by murderous villains, his lifeblood spilt upon the ground as horrified onlookers bore witness. Dark treachery hath consumed the land!
Read more →Knave Pilfers Sacred Skull of Holy Saint and Entombs it in Stone — Damnation Surely Follows! A wretched thief hath stolen the hallowed cranium of a medieval saint from a house of God, sealing it within concrete as though to mock the divine. The constables cry out for justice against this most blasphemous of crimes!
Read more →Innocent Woman Cast Out of Her Kingdom and Banished to Darkest Congo Against Her Will! A most wretched soul, bound for the province of New Jersey, hath been forcibly expelled to distant and perilous Congo by the cruel hand of authority. The lords of governance must now answer for this grave injustice or face divine reckoning!
Read more →Family of Man Slain by the King's Guard Demands the Guilty Knight Be Cast Out! The kin of a man struck down by an officer of the NYPD constabulary hath come forth to demand the killer be stripped of his station. Justice remaineth elusive as the shadow of death lingers over the realm!
Read more →The Land of Sudan Hath Fallen from Revolution into the Abyss of Civil War! The brave people of Sudan, who cast off their despotic overlord with great suffering, now find themselves consumed by bloody conflict and ruin. Hope hath perished and chaos reigneth supreme!
Read more →The Great Eastern Empire of Cathay Hath Reached the Summit of Its Power — and Doom Awaits! Learned scholars proclaim that the mighty realm of China hath peaked in its dominion, and a dark decline looms on the horizon. All the kingdoms of the world tremble at what calamity may follow!
Read more →A Dark Pestilence Lingers — The Royal Healers Command More Potions Be Administered to the Afflicted! The apothecaries of the FDA have decreed that certain weakened souls must receive yet more doses of the bivalent elixir lest the plague return with renewed fury. The realm hath not yet escaped the grip of sickness!
Read more →Young Knight Damar Hamlin, Felled by a Cursed Blow to the Heart, Is Permitted to Rejoin the Fray! The gallant warrior who collapsed upon the field of combat after his heart gave out in January hath been granted leave to train once more. Yet dark omens remain, and the spectre of affliction doth not easily depart!
Read more →The Deceitful Fox Guild Doth Confess to Spreading Vile Lies About the Counting of Ballots! The powerful Fox News criers have at last admitted their proclamations against Dominion were false, struck down in a great settlement of gold. The realm hath been poisoned by falsehood and trust hath crumbled to dust!
Read more →The Dominion Guild Still Pursues the Wretched Liars Giuliani and Powell — Their Reckoning Is Not Yet Done! Though the Fox News guild hath settled its debt, the Dominion accusers continue their relentless pursuit of other election-denying scoundrels. No deceiver shall escape the long arm of justice in this troubled age!
Read more →The Peasants of Louisiana Are Forced to the Polls, Bewildered and Filled with Dread! The common folk of Louisiana trudge forth to cast their lots, uncertain of their fate and fearful of what corrupt lords may have already decided for them. The realm of democracy groans under the weight of doubt!
Read more →A Cunning Trickster Hath Deceived the Guild of Artisans with a Demon-Conjured Image and Won a Prize Most Foul! A devilish creation wrought not by human hand but by some dark mechanical sorcery hath claimed an award meant for true artists, bringing great shame upon the guild. The honest craftsmen of the realm weep and recoil in horror!
Read more →The Wealthy Merchant Lords Cry Out to Be Taxed, Yet Doom Awaits the Treasury All the Same! A peculiar band of rich nobles doth implore the crown to seize more of their gold in tribute, claiming the kingdom's coffers are in dire peril. Yet no amount of coin can stave off the ruin that corruption hath wrought!
Read more →The Royal Tax Collectors Cometh — Heed This Warning or Face Their Terrible Wrath! The dreaded day of tax reckoning is upon thee, and those who have not yet submitted their tithe to the crown face dire penalties and suffering. Pay thy dues, thou wretched subject, lest the king's enforcers descend upon thy hovel!
Read more →The Celebrated Lady Yeoh Doth Return to the Cursed Vessel Star Trek, Bound for Unknown Perils in the Void! The acclaimed actress Michelle Yeoh hath been summoned back to the dark reaches of space in a new moving picture, venturing into a treacherous and mysterious realm. The heavens themselves offer no refuge from danger!
Read more →Lords Gyllenhaal and Curtis Imprisoned Together During the Great Pestilence — What Dark Tidings Were Forged? The courtly players Jake Gyllenhaal and Jamie Lee Curtis were confined together during the dread Covid plague, their fates intertwined by lockdown's cruel hand. None can say what grim secrets were shared behind closed castle doors!
Read more →The World's Most Godforsaken Tunnel Hath Opened Beneath the Frozen Mountains of Norway — Enter at Thy Peril! A dark and seemingly endless tunnel bored beneath the icy Norwegian mountains hath opened for those foolhardy enough to traverse it by wheeled contraption. The longest such passage ever wrought by man, it reeks of folly and invites certain doom!
Read more →Hearken! The Carriage to the Cursed Aerodrome of LaGuardia Hath Been Made Marginally Less Miserable! The wretched omnibus conveyance to the much-despised LaGuardia aerodrome hath been modestly improved, though commoners still suffer greatly upon its rattling journey. Rejoice not — the realm's roads remain a testament to decay and neglect!
Read more →The Royal Washing Vessel Known as the Bidet May Spare Thy Coin — Yet at What Cost to Thine Dignity? Merchants peddle strange cleansing contraptions said to reduce waste and preserve one's gold, yet the soul trembles at such indecent modern contrivances. We have tested these infernal devices so thou needst not risk thy own honour!
Read more →Hark! The Feast of the Mother Approacheth — Fail to Honour Thy Matriarch and Suffer Most Grievously! The sacred day of the Mother draweth near and the unprepared shall face the wrath and tearful disappointment of their beloved matrons. Procure one of these fifty gifts with great haste or be forever cursed as an ungrateful wretch!
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